scaredy cat

I feel a lot of resentment towards her. She is nearly always on her phone, but denies it. Pretty much anything on her phone is more interesting than anything I say or that’s at least how it comes across. She has pretended to be looking at important work e-mails when music for an advertisement suddenly plays because she is actually looking at Instagram yet again.

She will mention she is interested in a new product, service, or activity and, then, recite a robotic advertisement to me about how life-changing it will be. When I have simple doubts, she tells me I just don’t get it.

She talks me into supporting purchases she makes, touting how this is what she has been missing all of this time. Then, when it doesn’t work out well enough to meet her sky-high expectations, she tells me about the next thing that will solve it.

She does not seem to acknowledge when she changes her mind or how she feels about nearly anything, except when accompanied by a snide comment about someone else or about myself.

She is a negative influence on my; yet, I am partially dependent on her for a sense of identity. I am so accustomed to seeing and describing myself by what she has told me I am. I’m starting to doubt the sincerity of her narration now and that scares me.

In some ways, it is a relief because she has largely cast me in a negative light. However, it is scary because if that is untrue, then there are so many overwhelming possibilities that my head spins.

I’m scared and ready. Here I come.